Man 1 Say, do you know where I can find Dr. Pauling's office?
Man 2 Yes, but you can't go in there, it's full of television equipment.
[Audience Laughter]
Man 1 Television equipment? What's all that junk doing in there?
Man 2 My boy, you sound as if you aren't familiar with the reputation of Dr. Linus C. Pauling, the most famous chemist on Earth.
[Solo singing] Who's the most inspiring of the chemists at CIT? Who's the one whose every word is full of profundity?
[Group singing] Why it is Dr. Linus C. Pauling, profile's so enthralling, Dr. Linus C. Pauling, quite a celebrity.
[Solo singing] When Dewar says acetylene's got sigma bonds and pi's, who points out that Dewar's book is one thin tissue of lies?
[Group singing] Who else but Dr. Linus C. Pauling, he's always in there brawling, Dr. Linus C. Pauling, how can one man be so wise?
[Solo singing] When the A.E.C. put strontium into the atmosphere, who's the one who tells you that your gonads should be in fear?
[Group singing] You know it's Dr. Linus C. Pauling, Nobel Laureate Pauling, Dr. Linus C. Pauling, he's always in high gear.
[Solo singing] When ganged up on by Teller, Libby, Strauss and group, who's the one who told them all to go fly a chicken coop?
[Group singing] Of course was Dr. Linus C. Pauling, he's not afraid of a mauling, Dr. Linus C. Pauling, a man who'd never foop.
[Solo singing] When the Oscar Levant Show started fading away, who's the one who sang and danced and really saved the day?
[Group singing] You're right, t'was Dr. Linus C. Pauling, he's really found his calling, Dr. Linus C. Pauling, his charm makes TV pay.
[Solo singing] Every prize and honor that can be won he wins, and as if that weren't enough, he's now grandfather of twins.
[Group singing] Oh yes it's Dr. Linus C. Pauling, Great White Father Pauling, Dr. Linus C. Pauling, he simply has no sins!
[Audience Applause]
